Free Step Dodge

Not talking about it is the worst thing you can do. Keep seeking help. Keep talking to people *hugs*

well why do you think about suicide? Not gonna lie, I use to as well when I was younger when I was depressed. But I realized that it isn't worth it. Moreso I didn't want to put my family through that nor be remembered as weak and now because I actually have goals and things I want to accomplish.

It's happened me too but then I remember that a lot of people have worse seats than me. This train eventually stops at its destination while some assholes try to slow it down by fucking with the emergency brake. Think I'll go up on the roof this train, feel the wind/turbulence breeze past my face.

I just don’t really seem to accept myself for some reason, I keep pushing people that are close to me away and then I feel lonely and want them close to me. I still have the feeling I can’t be myself because I’m gay. Even though I don’t hide it that much, I still feel uncomfortable to talk about it at home and everywhere else irl. I feel alone even though I have people who are there for me and accept me for me,

It makes me feel ashamed of myself because I tell myself not to feel these type of feelings because I do have people and others have it worse than me. I don’t really think I belong anywhere, I don’t belong in the gay community, I don’t belong in this community, I don’t belong in my friend group, and I don’t belong in my family. It’s like I don’t understand myself.

I really hate how I pour my heart out here online, yet I don’t have the balls to do it irl, I always brush everything off as if it’s okay, when I get treated badly, when people let me down or that I don’t allow myself to be happy irl. I always seem to sabotage everything good I have in life. My goal is to be a specialised doctor, but I seem to really sabotage myself by failing my nursing classes and not studying.

Btw thanks @ninemil your compassion means a lot to me *hugs*❤️

@Radiance and @Hold_Junkie93. I am sorry the both of you had to go through these thoughts. I am happy that the both of you don’t experience these thoughts anymore. Thank you 2 for trying to make me feel better ❤️